


All I Want

by chaoticamanda



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Yorkalina, york reflects and reacts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:19:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1965219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticamanda/pseuds/chaoticamanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But if you loved me, why'd you leave me?</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want

It was stupid to think that Project Freelancer would be something they could just leave behind, that it wouldn’t end in flames. York knew now how ridiculous it was to dream of a wedding and a baby and a _future_ that saw them both alive and healthy. Hell, he was already missing one good eye. But before...before the crash, he had been happy. York was content to fall asleep with her bundled up next to him and to fight with his best friends by his side.

 

That day...the last time he’d seen her, he hadn’t been thinking that it would be the last time. Even when she’d thrown his stupid lighter at him, York hadn’t considered that her light blue armor would never rest next to his own caramel pieces again. He’d trusted that she would come back in one piece, that she’d come back at all.

 

But she didn’t then and she still hadn’t now.

 

Wash had been the one to tell him. When he’d awoken, he’d stripped his armor and changed into his ratty t-shirt and sweats, off to find Carolina and catch up on what had happened. The others had seen it, but York had not been there. He’d never forget that. He wasn’t there for her when she needed him the most. Wash’s voice was so gentle, so concerned that it had hurt that much more. Washington was never that serious; everything he said was usually followed by a laugh.

 

“York...Carolina’s dead.” There was no laugh.

 

York hadn’t believed him at first. The lighter weighed a thousand tons in his pocket, an unfamiliar weight that he hadn’t carried in years besides the fact. “Where is she?”

 

Wash had tilted his head, more concern than ever seeping through. “She’s dead, York. Maine...The Meta r-ripped,” Wash stumbled, his lip quivering. Another new thing. “out her implants and he...he threw her over. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, York-”

 

York had pushed Wash against the wall, elbow at his throat. He spoke through his teeth. “This isn’t funny, Wash.”

 

Deep down he knew it was true, he’d known it in the eerie silence that she’d left behind. Wash kept mumbling “I’m sorry” over and over again, but it sounded like he was getting farther and farther away. York let him go.

 

The walk to his room was more stumbling than walking, but he got there eventually. No one came after him. Laying on the floor of his room was his old “I <3 New York” t-shirt, the one Carolina had worn just the night before. The one that she always wore. The one she’d never wear again.

 

He collapsed then, reaching out and pulling the shirt to his chest and sobbing like a little baby. He punched a fist into the floor, emotions tearing through his gut and out of his throat.

 

“Do you require assistance, Agent York?” The green blip from his armor across the floor shone in the darkness of the room. He crawled over and pulled Delta, barely resisting the urge to pelt him across the room. York required Carolina, but Delta couldn’t help with that. No one could.

 

“If you don’t say goodbye, then you’re not really gone, you’re just not there right then,” Carolina had told him once after a late night of fleeting touches and whispered words. She hadn’t said goodbye this time and she had to be gone, because she would have come back for him. She wouldn’t have left. In one swift throw, the Meta had obliterated her future and his future by extension.

 

There wouldn’t be a wedding. There wouldn’t be a family. There wasn’t even a goodbye.

 

Every word he’d ever needed to say to her was racing around his mind now that Delta had vacated the premises. He’d had the ring, but he’d never proposed. He’d told her he loved her, but he’d never said it as much as he should have. He wanted one last chance to see her, to say he was sorry and that he would never stop loving her. But you can’t bring the dead back. Even York was smart enough to know what her father had not.

 

When he fell into something like sleep that night, his fluid emotions solidified inside him. The next day when Wash met him in the dining quarters, the blond man looked at York cautiously. Eventually, when York didn’t exhibit any signs of a breakdown, Wash asked him timidly, “Are you okay?”

 

York looked at him oddly, cocking an eyebrow, “‘M fine, Wash. Something up?”

 

Wash still wasn’t laughing, and York could see the concern in his eyes harden. “No...no. I’m, uh, I’m gonna go find North, okay?”

 

York nodded, slathering some butter onto some toast. When North entered, he was cautious too. It was beginning to annoy him and York munched on his toast angrily. “Hey, Buddy.”

 

“North.” York swallowed, watching as Theta materialized. The AI greeted him excitedly, asking if he wanted to see the new trick Theta had been able to execute.

 

“Theta, why don’t you show York your new trick later? I’ve got some things I need to talk to him about, okay?” The AI’s shoulders fell, but it dematerialized just as quickly as it had come. North pulled up a chair across from York, sitting on it backwards. “York.”

 

“Yes?” he sighed, flicking bits of crumbs from the toast away from him.

 

“I’m worried about you.”

 

York’s back straightened and he looked directly at North, giving him his full attention. North was a nice guy, someone who took time out his life to really care about you. York knew he was lucky to have a friend like that. “Why’s that?”

 

“Don’t play dumb, York. You scared the shit outta Wash. Yesterday you practically choke him and today you’re acting like nothing happened. I’m sorry man, I am, but this isn’t the way to go about it.” North leaned forward as he spoke, his fingers curling on the table. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to straighten one of their team out, but York still didn’t see a problem.

 

“There’s nothing…” York dropped his eye to the table, his fists clenching involuntarily, “Everything’s fine.”

 

“No, it’s not,” North’s voice was gentle but firm, “Your girlfriend is dead. Our team leader. The Director’s daughter. She was something to us all, but she’s gone now and that _changes_ things.”

 

_“No,”_ was York’s only response as he shoved a fist into his pocket. He touched something sleek and cool.

 

“Yes,” North’s voice was soft. “Agent Carolina was killed in action by a fellow team member. I’m sorry, York. I know she didn’t want to, but she left us all for good.”

 

York’s eye met North’s as his arm slowly raised from his pocket to above the table they were sitting at. He flicked the lighter open and his eyes drew to it. The flame reflected in his one good eye, “Carolina’s just not here right now. She’ll be back, just you wait. She didn’t say goodbye.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending was stupid, but ending it where I wanted to would have been much too short. Kudos/comments are always nice c:


End file.
